I started masturbating when I was about twelve. Like many, I started out of curiosity.I used my fingers a little and humped the side of the bed. I later started humping my violin case. I didn’t orgasm during the first couple of times, but after I did, I masturbated more often. I decided to get creative after a while. I tried sticking a hot dog into my vagina while I humped a pillow. this made it feel even better. It was around this time that I also started reading shonen-ai, then yaoi. This inspired me to try out my back door. I started with a hot dog in my ass while I humped a pillow. When I got bored of that, I would do it with one in my vagina and anus. Because I was raised in a religious family, I felt extremely guilty after each session. I would pray and ask god to help me. I often wrote about what a horrible creature I was in my journal. This guilt eventually dulled to a minimum as I grew and learned. I remember when I found my parent’s massage vibrator that they didn’t use because they had a newer one. That opened up a whole new door for pleasure. I hid that in a nook by my bed. I still use it to this day along with an old hairbrush. I’ll suffice it to say that I no longer like to eat hot dogs.

When I was 9, I didn’t really know a lot about sex. My parents didn’t teach me all that much, and I was not allowed to go to SHARE. At this time, a boy lived next door who was my age. he didn’t like to follow rules. I had thought that he was amazing. He taught me how to do a back flip on the trampoline. I remember that winter. I was wearing my large, poofy hot pink coat. it was afterschool, and we were dancing in the snow. I don’t remember exactly what we talked about, but he pulled his pants down and showed me his genitals. He asked me if I wanted to touch them. I was curious so I did. They were a lot squishier than I thought they would be. He asked to see mine. In the heat of the moment, I pulled down my pants. we continued to dance as it snowed around us. We lied down on my coat, and he humped me a few times. I didn’t really understand it then, and I don’t know what I was thinking.

I’ve never been all that close to people. I’ve made friends, but I’ve never been close enough to have a romantic relationship. I’ve always been a little weird I guess. I used to be made fun of a lot as a child. I had had bladder problems, causing many accidents. I was rough and wild. I didn’t fully understand social cues. 

I spent the beginning of my life on a small hay farm. I was a free little thing. I rode horses and climbed trees. When I didn’t want to go all the way inside, I would pee outside. When I was older We moved to the suburbs in the dry desert climate of Nevada. This is where I spent my teen years.